It’s about entering the unknown. It’s about believing in yourself.

Gina Ryan
Jacksonville, FL
Assistant Head Cashier at Proctor Ace Hardware in Neptune Beach

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What are you passionate about in life right now?
Real talk…. I’m just trying to find myself. I’ve been taking care of so many people for so long, that I no longer know who I am and what makes me “me”. I’ve been told that I shouldn’t get my hair cut so short, and I should wear different clothes and that I should try harder to be someone that I didn’t want to be. So over the years, I’ve internalized and hidden the things that were key elements of my personality. I had caved to the demands and standards of everyone that I eventually became a robot. I don’t know who exactly I walked around town as, but I know that it was not me. So no one can see the hulk-sized anger issues, or hopeless romantic deep inside, or the heart on my sleeve that is constantly in a state of anguish and torment.

So a few months ago, I was sitting outside looking up at the stars, thinking to myself that I didn’t want to live this way anymore; that I didn’t have to live this way anymore. That I didn’t have to hide who I am, I didn’t have to give up my dreams so everyone can live theirs. I didn’t have to be angry and bitter all the time. I should be happy… I deserve to be happy… I deserve to be myself.”

Since then, I’ve been working on myself. Accepting my past, learning from it, and becoming the best version of myself that I know I can possibly. To dare to dream and always believe. And to embrace my flaws.

Where are you in life right now?
Trust your heart
if seas catch fire,
(and live by love
though the stars walk backwards)

This is a section from e.e. Cummings’ poem Dive for Dreams. It’s about taking a chance even if the odds don’t look good. It’s about entering the unknown. It’s about believing in yourself.

This is my mantra and it’s how I’ve been living life for a couple of months. I’ve always believed that there was a plan for me, but I never believed that it was a well-laid out plan. I’ve always pictured it as a map with key points but no roads, highways, or even a legend that told me how to get anywhere. How I get from one point to next depends on me and my choices, and how I chose to act. So I quit my job at a local marketing company a week before my college graduation (I still had my job at Ace to help pay the bills) and set out to find out what I wanted.

I want to make a difference and I want to do something that matters. I have always felt the call to do something more but I never what it is I would do.

Life right now kind of has an air of mystery to it. I know that come January I’ll be leaving Florida to attend Basic Training for the United State Coast Guard. And I know that the next five months are going to comprise of hanging with friends and family and hitting the gym as hard as I can.  Life is equally exciting and nerve-racking. My life is going in some kind of a direction, but it’s a direction that I chose. And honestly…. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for me.